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The Prosecution: Beth

At times she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me being her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we make together can get us: an opening. I understand not everyone enjoys being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal videographer, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be fun for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She must to honor her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their friendship?